Apocalyptica Fanfic: What Could Go Wrong? Part 1
 

Title: What Could Go Wrong
Fandom: Apocalyptica
Rating: PG-13 maximum to be on the safe side; this is suitable for all: some comedy slapstick violence. Bad language has been bleeped.

Warnings: None

Disclaimer: No infringement of personal copyright intended; this is just a bit of fun by a fan for fans. No implication is intended on any person mentioned within, and any actual resemblance to any real person is a blinding coincidence! Don’t sue me- I’ve got so much to give!

“Can we- pfft- just repeat – pfft- how exactly-pfft- this seemed- pfft- like a good idea?!”

Eicca’s laconic, semi-rhetorical question would have been delivered perfectly were it not for Perttu’s long hair falling into his face with each gentle rotation of his body.

Perttu, in fact, turned gently from up-side-down and slightly to one side of Eicca, hung up as he was by his feet, his arms bound to his body, a truly annoyed expression on his face. Eicca was strapped to the trunk of a large tree- the same one from which Perttu dangled. Beside the slowly spinning Perttu, Mikko hung, groggy and confused, likewise strapped and immobile, from a neighbouring branch. Beside Eicca, Antero fumed silently. Right next door, so close the trunks were but moments apart, Paavo was roped to a similarly wide-girthed tree trunk alongside the Driver. Paavo’s lips moved rapidly, whisperingly; possibly praying, maybe just moaning softly over and over again,

“can’tbelivethis!can’tbelivethis!can’tbelivethis!”

“I mean- pfft-! Perttu, your hair!”

“Not much I can do about it right now, man,” Perttu grumbled, his words nearly lost in the opposite direction thanks to his lazy circulations.

“I mean,” Eicca continued, “whose bright idea was this?”

“Who’s indeed?” Antero growled from beside him.

“Hey!” Perttu snapped back. “This, I did not intend!”

“Good t’know it wasn’t on the itinerary… see a new country, play a few gigs, get lost in a wood and captured by weird-ass freaks!” Mikko chipped in.

The flippancy of the comment seemed to help ease some of the tension. Beneath the sarcasm and bravado, they were all, actually, rather scared… but then, despite how badly it had turned out, it had seemed a good idea at the time…

It had been the phone call that had decided him. Antero had remained in contact with his former band-mates and friends over the years and had followed the band’s progress, too, as a fondly remembered part of his life. When they had called, over-excited, highly caffeinated and exploding with the novelty of it all, he had been hard put not to laugh openly down the phone.

“But- Romania?” he’d asked Eicca, who sounded as if he was being jumped on by the others, all trying to get a word in.

“Transylvania!” Perttu’s voice had corrected him. “Land of the vampire bat and the b-e-a-u-tiful forests!”

“Yeah- plenty of wood!” Mikko had added, sending most of them off into smutty giggles. Antero tried hard not to laugh as he all but heard Eicca’s eyes roll.

“Yeah, anything country-like and these city boys get all over-excited!”

“Arrrrrr!” Paavo could be heard gurning in a distinctly over-done parody of a farmer.

“Excuse me a moment, Antero,” Eicca asked politely. The guffaws continued at the other end, and then there was a yelp as Paavo received what Antero could well imagine was a timely swipe to the head.

The giggles subsided a bit as Eicca came back online. “Sorry about that.”

“Did you let them have sweets?” Antero asked, wondering if it was possible to OD on sugar…

“Apart from the hilarious comedy comments here, it is actually a pretty neat idea- go somewhere new, off the beaten track; a chance to get our heads together, musically.”

Antero gave a sympathetic sigh. “Feeling a little packaged in?”

Eicca reciprocated the sigh. “The problems of getting successful on The Man’s terms.”

Antero nodded. The newest album had reached a lot of new fans- all to the good that the word was getting out, but it had meant the addition of vocals; a pop standard that pushed the cello work into the role of accompaniment; not the intention of the band’s original remit at all. Eicca, in particular, could well be feeling the pressures of life; seeing his musical baby grow into something more record company than heart-song, not to mention the addition of yet another member of the Toppinen clan. He must be feeling tired.

And then there were the other ‘children’ yapping about in the background to look after, too, calling out to Antero, their enthusiasm infectious; “c’mon, Antsa! New boundaries to explore!”

“Come and play in the land of Vlad Tepes!”

“Let’s get on the road, old times’ sake!”

“Hey, hey, you lot go take five with some milk or something let the grown-ups talk, yeah?”

“Not goin’ anywhere unless you say somethin’!” That was Mikko, sticking his heels in.

Antero chuckled. “Eicca, you there?”

“Yeah, I’m here.”

“Man, you sound shattered.” Antero’s voice drew concerned. "You ok?”

Eicca’s voice held a note of amused resignation. “It’s an insane idea- Perttu’s, of course, but maybe there’s something in it, y’know? Going back to basics, trying out a few things, getting back to the music… more room to breathe.”

Antero thought about it, chewing his lip. He was due some time off from the orchestra...

“Plleeeeeaasse!” Perttu’s puppy-dog pleading finally made Antero crack a semi-exasperated laugh of his own.

“Alright! Ok! Let’s go! Let’s do this thing!”

“Thank you.” Eicca sounded warmly sincere. The whoops in the background attested to the pleasure of the others.

Antero shook his head ruefully.

Back to basics, eh? Well, what could possibly go wrong?

What, indeed….